Urology 101

This is new.

I was introduced (read: dragged across a room against my will) to a urologist a while back.  Not for medical purposes, for potential consort.  I tried very hard to get rid of him but the man was persistent.  I continued to plead the question of my availability (my availability = wide open) but he kindly demanded I select a night for him to squire me about town.  I finally gave up the fight.  Ok dude, I’ll accept the free dinner.  And I have some questions for you.  

Mainly what the heck are the parameters of being a urologist? I’m embarrassed to say that I come from a medical family yet am unclear about urology as a specialty. I’m interested in genitalia, not so much in tee tee problems. Is that all there is?  Over tuna tartare and a bottle of vino, I dragged him through a shockingly tasteless and detailed inquest.  He thought I was hilarious. Apparently me as serious dating person is a not a real thing.  

I like information. I also like pretending I am an investigative journalist. I got the scoop on the inner workings of kidney stones, bladder prolapses, prostate surgery, kidney removal, and working with a giant surgery robot.  It wasn’t dull.

Here’s what I can report:  

• It is wise to resist putting the following items up in your man’s business: pencils, shaving cream, flowers with thorns, all animals (living or dead), paperclips, toothbrush handles, and chunky peanut butter. Trust me, no good (or wood) will come of it.

• If you must tattoo, please leave your nether region out of it.

• Twisted balls can become dead balls. And dead balls is a really bad situation.

• 7 out of 10 urology emergencies involve bullet wounds to the junk area. It’s not lethal, but it might as well be.

  (Ya’ll, quit shooting people in the dick.)

I had one final question as the creme brûlée approached, but he stopped me short. 

No.

He does not work with the bung hole. It’s a different specialty.

I don’t know, this could get interesting. He has good hair, is employed in a fully legal profession, and hates cats.  Bottom line, he won’t stop calling and I like free dinner.

So I guess we are like, dating, or something.