Dirty Hippie Veganism

I’ve gone vegan.

I’ll wait while you groan and roll your eyes.

Go ahead, gag. I’m doing it. Full on vegan. No meat, seafood, cheese, butter, animal products of any kind. So long happiness through food. And yes, I plan to talk about it incessantly and throw shade on everyone who is not vegan. It’s a prerequisite for the vegan lifestyle.

But please don’t get any grand ideas. This has squat to do with either altruism or animals. Screw the chickens, I just want to be able to zip my pants all the way. Also my doctor father, endless researcher of health and professional food shamer, says we have to.

Dad gave us all a copy of this book…

Vegan = not dying. Or something like that.

Thus far? Well, the hot urologist is on board. He is currently vegan plus pork, steak, bacon, sushi, and cheese. He is very supportive and not the least bit annoyed that I turned my nose up at the salmon he cooked and instead ate a bowl of tomatoes with a side of vinegar for dinner.

I feel good, my energy is up and I’m even incorporating some exciting new products. Most notably Beano. If you stuff your insides full of nothing but spinach leaves and cruciferous vegetables, your colon is going to have something to say. I am staying home a lot now.

I have just embarked on this journey, so I will keep you posted. I should say that I am happy to hold the vegan line right up until fancy restaurants are involved. In which case bring on the dead varmints and pass the cheese.

Ok, I’m a part time vegan. Close enough.